Feb 082013

What do women really want in a man?

The short answer is simple: they want a real man. I could sit here and write a dozen pages on defining masculinity and what it means to be a man in a post-modern world, but we both know you’re here for some quick and dirty tips. I’ll briefly touch on the whole “real man” thing and why so many women seem to be craving authentic masculinity these days, then give you a few ideas you can use to immediately become more attractive to women.

What Women Really Want in a Man Image

It’s incredible to think about the huge decline in manliness over the past few generations, and even more incredible to think about it in terms of human history. At one point, even the least manly guy in any given society could go out with nothing more than a sharpened stick and come home with food for his family. We seemed to be doing alright until fairly recently, when for whatever reason the natural urge to be a man gave way and suddenly the urge to be a dipshit took over.

One of the most common complaints I hear from women is it’s hard to find a real man these days.

This has nothing to do with being tall, buff, or having a deep voice. It’s not about physical traits you have no control over, in fact, it’s just the opposite. Being attractive to women is about having the balls to take charge and go after what you want.

When women say they want a real man, what they mean is a guy who has a blend of modern nice guy chivalry and old school take charge confidence. It’s about saying what you mean and not being afraid of stepping on toes, making a move when you want to, and living a lifestyle that’s an authentic expression of who you are.

Having a masculine presence comes down to your mannerisms and behaviours. When a woman evaluates you, she’s subconsciously comparing your behaviours to evolutionarily ingrained cues that tell her whether or not you’re likely to be a solid mate. What women really want in a man is a guy with qualities that set off these cues.

So without further ado, here are five things you should do right away:

Step 1: Change things you don’t like instead of complaining.

This one is pretty basic, but it makes a huge difference in the way people perceive you. No one wants to hear that you’re tired or that you hate your job, and if you’re the type of person who constantly complains, people won’t want to be around you.

Why is this so horribly unattractive to women? It goes back to those evolutionary cues – complaining lets her know you’re incapable, emotionally unbalanced, or both.

If you’re a capable guy and there’s something bothering you, you can do something about it. If you’re not a capable guy and something bothers you, you get frustrated but suck it up until you can change it. By complaining, you’re broadcasting that you’re powerless when it comes to living life the way you want to.

There are times when you will be in situations you have no control over, but one thing you will always have control over is your outlook. It comes down to a matter of choice: why be negative when you can be positive?

Step 2: Keep your word and be responsible.

Responsibility makes a man. Whether it’s overseeing a project at work, having a family to look after, or owning a house, having people or things in your life that depend on you teaches you to make good decisions. People respect the guy who shows up on time, doesn’t call in sick because he’s hung over, and does what he says he’s going to do.

Responsibility builds trust, and trust is critical in every aspect of life. No woman is going to get serious with you if you don’t seem like a reliable person, and you will never get anywhere professionally without trust and credibility.

How does this relate to those attractiveness cues we talked about? Well, if you’re an irresponsible guy you’re likely constantly covering your ass. Making up excuses, passing the blame, lying, and other shady practices all take a toll on your self-esteem. When guys live up to their own expectations, they develop a high level of self-respect and as a result are more confident and assertive.

What Women Really Want in a Man 2 Image

Step 3: If you’re at fault, own your mistake.

Everyone from your girlfriend to your boss will respect you for owning up to something when it’s your fault. Don’t make excuses or try to justify mistakes, just apologize and move on. Own your mistakes and be honest when you do something wrong; it will build credibility and strengthen your reputation as a solid guy.

It might be tempting to deny responsibility, but trust me – you aren’t fooling anyone. It takes a big pair to look someone in the face and say “You’re right, that was a bad decision. I’m sorry.. what can I do so we can move forward?”

On top of that, it’ll help you respect yourself more. Sometimes we can trick ourselves into believing something isn’t our fault, but subconsciously we know the truth. This sort of mental trickery is called cognitive dissonance, and it’s like cancer of the mind – it eats away at your self-concept and robs you of the ability to be the confident guy she’s looking for.

Step 4: Become a more confident person.

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with, and it’s not something that happens overnight. Building confidence is possible, but like most things, it takes dedication and hard work. You have to make a commitment to put yourself out there and step outside your comfort zone, accepting challenges even though you might not be able to handle them.

Confidence is your general belief in your ability to overcome challenges and deal with whatever life throws your way, and you build confidence by consistently dealing with things that might seem a bit out of your league. Every time you take on something that intimidates you and successfully deal with it, you prove you’re able to deal with the things that intimidate you, and taking action becomes easier every time.

This is a huge topic, and if you’re interested in more details about how to become a more confident person, check out this article.

Step 5: Maintain control of your emotional state.

Being emotional is strongly associated with being feminine, so it makes sense that manly men are very emotionally centered. By emotionally centered I mean they don’t take things too seriously, they’re light hearted, rarely get angry, and people tend to adopt their emotional state rather than the other way around. Great examples of this behaviour can be seen by guys like Brad Pitt in the Ocean’s 11 or Robert Downey Jr. in Iron Man.

Keep in mind I’m not suggesting you completely suppress your emotions. This will inevitably lead to mental health problems, including a strong possibility of addiction and substance abuse issues. What I’m suggesting is learning to control your emotions and alleviate excess stress in a healthy, constructive way.

For some guys, this is sports. For others, it’s beers with the guys. Sometimes issues run deeper and you need counselling; there’s no shame in that. The bottom line is part of being attractive is being a calm, collected guy, and that means keeping your shit under control and having solid inner game.

Agree? Disagree? Have something to add? Leave a comment below!

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  2 Responses to “What Women Really Want in a Man”

  1. I need some relationship assistance….please can you give me some sound advice.

  2. Hi Desire,

    Can you give me a bit more information and a specific topic or issue you’re wondering about?

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